Killing the Fire

A lot had been made about how "Good" a couple of our 12u players are. They play the game smooth, kind of look like big girls when they set, or cut shot. I love watching them play. That kind of thing is why I do what I do

And while I, as father of one of them, strongly agree with the opinion :-), nobody seems to remember the process it has been, when they were just little twerps in the sand losing a lot of points... this was their start, the "ignition of their fire".

They might have scored 5 points in their first match, maybe 20 in their first tourney. We parents sat and watched, and cheered. The thought of coaching them during the match seemed absurd.

The expectation of greatness was real, as in "a real long ways away".

Know: Beach volleyball, like a good pot roast, takes time! You have to let it COOK!

The enjoyment of watching these girls little, wholesome struggle against the game and their own coordination was far too valuable to ruin with caustic sideline comments - These comments more often than not convey one message:

"You are not good enough for me".

It kills ignition.

I am reminded of something that happened years ago, so 'traumatizing' to me, I think, that only now do I write about it. I remember thinking 'blog this'. But I did not.

During a 12U (beach) tourney, a 10 year old player (girl) called a timeout. With tears welling up and a tremored voice she came to the hudel... "My dad.. he's ...mad .. at me".

Dads "cheering" had sounded angry and disapproving and to that little girl it was crushing, was killing her fire for the game.

"Move your feet!"

Have you ever said that?

"Call the ball!".

Guilty?

No doubt that girl was also in for "the ride home". She would get to re-visit every screw up and mistake.

That little girl didn't care about the winning (she was 10).

She was playing for dad, not the score.

She wanted dads approval, not a $4 medal.

She wanted to show DAD all of the hard work she had put in over the last few months, but that didn't matter now.

The good plays she had made were now nothing because dads sideline tone said so.

"You are not good enough for me"

I wanted to scream at dad.

Little girl no longer plays. Fire is out. No more games.

The process of becoming a player takes years not days, people.
Your player WILL make mistakes.
Your player MUST endure losing in order to win.
Balls will hit the ground. Serves will miss.

Don't ruin the ride. Don't kill the fire.
Be patient. Be part of it. Let it cook


Rule 1. Never be a kids last coach (dad).
That is the only rule.

Observe:
Dissy and Izzy 2014, as 8 and 9 years old.
Sound on. Parents are positive.
They play very sloppy.
They were allowed to serve in front of the line, and didn't win the game.
Watch

Ugly but fun.

They were mosquitoes..  just small annoyances to the opponent. We cheered. We laughed with them at dumb, valuable errors. We ENCOURAGE them to try BIGGER errors.

Many loses happened.
Growth.
Last summer, 2 YEARS of training later, as 10U and 11U.

Watch

Better, because we stoked the fire, fanned the flame...

We will see how they do in 2 weeks - (BVCA 2018) 11U and 12U

Odds of some wins: 80%
Odds of some loses: 100%

And so we will let it cook.

Some more.

Volley on.

-Hoff

Indoor parents - you morons...

OK, maybe that was a bit harsh. Maybe I link-bated you into clicking... but you did click...
I have a story to tell, about volleyball, playing time, and why playing time GIVEN kills an athletes career, while playing time EARNED defines it.

I started a club with a couple guys, a few years back. It took money to get it started. I ended up spending triple the amount club fees were for the rest of the players. I also had a daughter on the team. We hired my sister and brother in law to coach. The are well qualified coaches. They know their stuff.

What do you expect playing time was like for my daughter, on a club I was funding, with coaches I employed, one of whose diaper I had changed when she was a baby?

The first tournament was a three day event. She played exactly 0 minutes the first day. She played marginally the second, and a few the third. What did I say to the coach? What would you say?

The next tourney came along, she played a bit, but there was another player ahead of her; that player was clearly the starter. She was better.  What did I say to the coach that I hired, coaching the team I was funding? What would you say?

I said nothing.

The fact is, if my kid isn't on the court when the game is on the line (and the game is ALWAYS on the line), she probably isn't good good enough to be on the court.
Harsh? Maybe. Mean? Maybe.  True? Absolutely.

PLAYING TIME is the TRUE indicator of how your athlete is performing, relative to those around her, whether you can see it or not . And IF you "complain her into the lineup", then you better be able to "complain her into a scholarship", and later "complain her into a job". "Don't worry about  improving, honey, you can play anyways".
That's NOT playing time, it's "complaining time".  And complaining time is NEVER earned.

Back to me.
I talked to my brother in law and sister about my daughters playing time exactly ZERO times the entire season. NEVER once did I even bring it up. Not at Thanksgiving, not Christmas, not birthdays. Never did I send an email nor a text. Because she needed to earn it. She needed to improve and BECOME the best. I took a better approach. The right approach. I worked on the REAL issue. I helped my daughter work, and improve over that season. She improved faster than she had any season prior - she wanted to play, and was going to earn it. She leaned the volley-life lesson that SHE has to take it. It was up to HER. Daddy can help, but he won't hand it to her.
She would actually have to PERFORM and PRODUCE (crazy idea).

Championship arrived, we made the finals. Of course it went 3. Gold on the line. Gold division in our grasp.  We had just given up a 7 point lead, but still up 14-13. Who do you think the coach had in? His back up? A player who never had to perform? Was this moment worthy of "complaining time"? Would you take that risk?
 My daughter.
She had earned the trust of the coach, because she actually had IMPROVED. She passed the final serve, a dime to the setter, who set our big gun, who killed it. Game over. Season over. We get the gold, they got the silver.

Stop raising entitled kids that just "ask and instantly receive". I have no room for them on my team. I doubt the highschool does, or the national team...

Teach your athletes to work. To beat someone out. Its a game, become a winner. Its actually fun.

Lets get better.

All of us.

Volley On...

Twitter:
@brianvolleyhoff

The Enemy?

I walked into a gym to coach my daughters team one saturday; i was running late and both teams were beginning warm ups. As i headed over to jump in with them, my ear caught a parent addressing his daughter. He pointed  to the team on the opposite side and said, “remember - THEY are the ENEMY”.

  I had to do a double take - that a father would say that about ANY opponent floored me. But this was years ago, and i was coaching a team of YMCA 10 and 11 year olds! The enemy??? - i thought??? Does he know that without the ‘enemy’ his daughter wouldn't be able to play? without the ‘enemy’, there is no point? Does he know how many times I've stood by a net at a sand court with 3 people.. HOPING for the ‘enemy’ to show up and be our fourth so we could play the sport we loved?

The enemy….

  This illustrates what i feel is the biggest problem with our sport. I’ve heard what i call “football parents” yell horrible things during the game as they “cheered”. Yelling things to 16 year old girls who, despite all the muscles, hair and height are still little girls - only a few years removed from playing dolls. The OPPONENT is NOT the enemy. The opponent is who we NEED to hold a match, lots of OPPONENTS if we are going to hold a tournament. The opponent isn't in our way; the opponent isn't preventing our way of life - the opponent facilitates it, for without them we would not be able to play the game.

  I want to see respect from parents AND players. I want my players to show respect through hard play and great defense. I want my players to show the opponent respect by showing up big to the game, match our tourney. Show the opponent respect by acknowledging their good plays. Cheer for the competition. Cheer on your team, but NEVER cheer down the opponent.

Enemies they are not. They are our family in volley, the people and players we NEED to CREATE a volley in its pure meaning. Without the ‘enemy’, the serve would NEVER return, there would be no blocks or digs. We would be alone in a gym with a ball… and that kinda sucks.

Be thankful for the opponent.

Volley on!

Kylee Teaches Me

I love watching my girls play volleyball.

This morning i let my Kylee read an article, entitled “Three Winners Who Know How to Lose”,

in which Todd Rogers, Kerri Walsh and Jen Kessy explain how they take losing - that they LEARN more from losing than they do from a win.

At one point it explains how April Ross and Jen Kessy were playing Brazils’  Larissa Franca and Juliana Silva in the London semis to decide who goes on to play Kerri and Misty for the Gold. It told how while Jen and April were supporting each other, Larissa was riding Julianna, making it clear os fault she felt it was.

Kylee must have liked that part.

Later that night, we took her and her friend Morgan to a 14U League. Kylee caught the opposing player yelling at herself, talking down about her own game. At side switch, she shook the girls hand and said, ‘You wouldn't yell at your friends partner, would you? Well right now you ARE her partner, so don't yell at yourself”. A read back through the article to find this great piece of advice from the three legend players. I couldn't find it. I found “being supportive”. I found “Keep believing”. I found counsel about the dangers of being negative during a match. But she had taken all these teachings to heart and began use the knowledge.

I am amazed at her growth as a player and a girl.

I love this game, and love the enjoyment others get through their successes. Kids, i love the highs i get through your wins. Every point you win gives me strength. Every play you strive to make even though you come up short makes me smile.

Volleyball makes you a better person, if you let it.

I love watching my girls play volleyball… did i say that?

Volley On!

Little Volleyholics

So for the last month,  once to twice a week our beach team (7 doubles teams) has been training in preparation for the Club One 14U fall beach tourney.   This past Saturday was game time and the girls played great.  I am proud of how quickly they are developing. I am especially proud to have the opportunity to work with 4 of the greatest 10 yr olds around! These kids formed two doubles teams and took the court against BIG 8th graders - and expected to win! What great competitors! They love the game, and they won the respect of everyone at that tourney. The older girls on V4L have helped them so much. Great chemistry in practice all around. All of you are amazing!  I am humbled and honored to privileged to work with you. I believe coach Mike feels the same. ...But why?

  Last Wednesday was the last practice for that tournament series. Club season (indoor… mehh..) is right around the corner and it’s time for a break… so i thought. Sitting home, I got a text - “Where are you? We need the balls”... ( Mike, you had something to do with this!)  I apparently had 6 or 7 girls ready to rock and roll. I put stuff down, grabbed my 7 yr old, 11 yr old and a bag off volleyballs, and we headed to the sand!

 After answering one question on line shot rundowns and drilling it for a bit, we went straight into ‘side out’ (like queen of the court, but doubles.. in sand). I played, Mike played and one of the girls mothers jumped in (she played college, she’s a baller).  -Not to be left out, the 7 yr old and 8 yr old soon put aside the hole they were digging and demanded a turn. I reluctantly (I know, I’m horrible) let them in for a point, expecting they could just lose and move off (I told you i was horrible!). This began a great lesson for me. Progressively, older girls began taking turns partnering with the younger ones, helping and coaching them! - The grins on the youngers’ faces were sooo big - playing with the ‘big girls’ on a real court! This was religious for me. Hi fives and congrats as the mites (i call the super small ones ‘mites’) made attempts at plays. When we got home the first words out of my 7 yr olds mouth screamed: . " MOM! I am so GLAD I went to practice - I got on the winners side a LOT!"  She was stoked. Special things going on out here, I think. These kids won't stop. I'm so excited for them,  I'm so excited to see where this takes them. Im excited to see their eyes light up so big at the joy the game brings to them.  I hope it continues and becomes a lifelong service to them.  

So why do I coach? - Because the excitement i get watching my kids do something in a match that he/she has been struggling to learn in practice is earth shattering. Because I never could imagine that watching a 10 year old score an ace, or an 11 yr old hit a cuttie, could mean more to me than winning a tourney myself. Because this is the best form of adrenaline, and i am a junkie!

I love watching it.

Still.

Volley On